the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
