The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
