i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
