I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
