so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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