P.S. I can't hear my feet
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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