Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
