I wanna bring you to show and tell
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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