The maid of honor just puked.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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