meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
