i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
