Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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