what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
