My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
