dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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