it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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