My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
