I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
