i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
