it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
