Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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