i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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