we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
