I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just gift wrapped bread.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
