Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
