this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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