Don't you send me to vm
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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