I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
