Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
