I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
