How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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