Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
