I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
