Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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