so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
