i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
