its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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