if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
