so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
