I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
