thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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