I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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