Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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