I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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