ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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