why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
