This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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