Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
