It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
