I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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