btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
