yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
