I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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