I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
