Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
