Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
