Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So squirting runs in the family.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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