Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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