turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
