3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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