I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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