Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
