I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
